| sooo... |
[Dec. 22nd, 2009|11:16 pm] |
today was a food fail. binged four times, only purged twice. no doubt, i'm 163 again. bleh, i need to get control of myself. i feel so gross, i wish i could hold on to this feeling. i would never eat again feeling like this.
tomorrow i'm going to try and fast, but i think my mom will make me eat dinner. but maybe i can weasel out of it. then christmas eve is going to be insane food wise, same with christmas. but the 26th i'm going to attempt to start a multi-day liquid fast. try and finish the year decently. and then on the first i'm going to begin the ABC diet.
and this is really random, but does anyone else feel like after a binge or something they don't like to look at thinspo because they feel ashamed, or not good enough to? i feel like it should be the OPPOSITE, and i should want to because it'll make me not want to binge anymore, but i just can't. i feel like i've failed too much to even bother. :/ |
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| Hi everyone |
[Dec. 23rd, 2009|04:39 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  hot | ] |
Well I thought I would make a post to introduce myself. I've been lurking for a while around different groups on LJ but this one seems quite active so yay.
Well I am 24 years old and have had disordered eating since I'm not sure when. I have times of my life when it is worse and times when I could almost pass as 'recovered'. It is a never ending cycle for me it seems and I'm sure everyone can relate to that. It just goes around and around and my weight bounces up and down. I usually get down to my lowest weight (below) then bounce up and down for a while. It never seems to stay, hence my lj name.
I am 171cm tall, about 5'7.
LW: 45KG - 99Lbs (BMI 15.4)
HW: 67KG - 147.4Lbs (BMI 22.9)
CW: 58KG - 127.6Lbs (BMI 19.8)
GW1: 54KG
GW2: 50KG
GW3: 46KG
UGW: Thin. XD Lol. But this is a joke, as whatever weight I am I still seem to be fat.
So yeah my weight is quite appalling atm, as I fell pregnant a few months ago (I lost the baby though) and after that happened I haven't been able to stand to look in a mirror or step on scales, and have just been eating whenever and whatever I want :(. But now I want to get back to what I was before. I also lost my job at that time and it has sent me into a bit of a depression and I haven't been as active as I once was but I am hoping to get my motivation back!!!
I live in Australia, hence my use of kilos instead of pounds. It's very hot here and I hate it.
So I hope I can find some friends here to share experiences with and whatnot. Thanks for reading :) Who else is dreading Christmas!! My family always has a big lunch thing but I'm hoping I can get away with my usual excuse of 'I went out for breakfast' haha. |
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| FYI.... |
[Dec. 23rd, 2009|12:04 am] |
I'm reading that lots of you gals use lax to purge ater a binge, or a regular amount of food.
You guys should know that when you take lax, yeah you shit a lot, but your body digests the calories and nutrients from it beforeit goes through
And abusing lax really screws with your body (you might not even be able to crap without them) for nothing.
Yeah, you get a bm. But the cals are still there
I know this shit we do to ourselves is fucked up and unhealthy, but lax is something that will really screw you up for nothing.. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 23rd, 2009|01:02 am] |
330 on a 300 day.. not bad, since 40 of it was green tea anyways. I definitely feel thinner today even though the numbers haven't moved, but this feeling means much more to me than the scale anyway. And as long as my stomach's grumbling I know I can make it :)
Tomorrow/today getting up super early (hopefully) to do productive things! And then I'm on Winter break:DDD I hope all you lovelies are doing as well, feel free to come by & tell me about your day (even if it wasn't the best)
Love you ALL |
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| sooo |
[Dec. 22nd, 2009|09:31 pm] |
I haven't been on here in a while so here's my update:
I'm doing okay. I'm eating healthy and I don't feel too fat but that may just be the food talking :/
I'm trying to get back into my ana/mia ways. I started 2 days ago but I ate a sandwich today. I also had a glass of milk and a piece of chocolate cause I was planning on purging. I'm going to try again tomorrow.
Anyways I heard that aspirin and ephedra have the same effects as speed. Is that true? If so I have aspirin and ephedrine... is that the same? |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 22nd, 2009|10:26 pm] |
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hey guys so instead of the fast i am just restricting hardcore. i had a banana, ice coffee, and a few cheese and crackers. i think that was around 350 or so maybe more but i'm trying to stay below 500cals. im going for my weigh in tomorrow which i go for monthly and i'm just aggravated because i haven't lost i've kinda stayed in the same range. i'm really nervous about seeing the high number on the scale. i was 114 before so i'm hoping to be 113 tomorrow maybe 112 if i'm lucky. my mom said to me this is the second day you ate nothing all day what's going on? i said i ate. she made porkchops i threw the meat in the toilet and left the empty bone out. i just got home at 10pm and she goes you ate nothing i said i ate at work. i was diagnosed with anorexia so she doesn't believe that anyway. anyhow i'm super anxious today. how are you all doing? i think i'm going to watch the office on dvd and just detox |
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| HELP! |
[Dec. 22nd, 2009|07:22 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  worried | ] |
shit, my mom just told me she wants to weigh me tomorrow morning.
this sucks i fianlly got down pounds and i might be screwed.
i have to be atleast 87 pounds or i'm fucked.
how can i make myself weigh more without it actually being me?
please help, any tips, anything will help.
PLEASE & THANK YOU. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 22nd, 2009|06:53 pm] |
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anyone want to help me starve myself, please? |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 22nd, 2009|08:35 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  complacent | ] |
Seems like all of us are having some of the Winter Blues, eh?
I was doing good today. No food, two sodas. That's it
My dad got me a salad from Wendy's but I told him it tasted ba (it did. So no lie) and threw it away
He decided to give me a part of his burger and the rest of his fries
And I ate it. I ate it all.
And I'm getting a frosty later, and a Hershey bar I think
fml.
Good news. though.
My g-ma isn't coming down for Christmas, so no uneeded pressure
And we are kinda low for cash, so not a lot of food this year I don't think
And I am getting better at excercising, so yay?
Hope you all are doing better |
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| mmm. |
[Dec. 22nd, 2009|05:23 pm] |
mmm coffee :) it's so good, with my no calorie sweetner. although i added creamer which was about 60 calories but oh well right.
also has some junior mints, didn't even wanna count the calories. but they were relly good.
didn't feel too guilty about it.
just ran a little over a mile. it's really cold! christmas is so soon.
might eat a little something for dinner tonight.
currently weighing 84.2, :)
i actially got to 83.8 before i ate, crazyyy! that's the lowest i've ever been.
now watching food newtwork.
stay strong everyone!
the holidays are a bad time since theres alot of food involved but we can get through it without gaining too much! |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 22nd, 2009|08:21 pm] |
497 calories going to avoid dinner
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| Binged... |
[Dec. 22nd, 2009|07:21 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  disappointed | ] |
Thats all I have to say |
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| some statistics i found |
[Dec. 22nd, 2009|08:12 pm] |
Nearly two-thirds of U.S. adults are overweight (BMI > 25, which includes those who are obese).
Nearly one-third of U.S. adults are obese (BMI > 30).
Approximately 19% of children (ages 6–11) and 17% of adolescents (ages 12–19) were overweight in 2000. An additional 15% of children and adolescents were at risk for overweight (based on BMI / body mass index measures).
An estimated 70 percent of diabetes risk in the U.S. can be attributed to excess weight.
Americans spend $33 billion annually on weight-loss products and services.
stay strong all<3
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| My Thoughts |
[Dec. 22nd, 2009|03:38 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  cold | ] |
I think the last time i posted here, I was 150lbs. Now a week later I am 140lbs. I'm too tired to even care because I've been fasting since last Saturday. I think today is day four. Its easier to fast when people think you're eating too. I even take the initiave to cook dinner for my family. But I'm not eating a thing. What's really on my mind is Brittany Murphy(RIP). I don't know if it's disrespectful now that she's not alive but she's always been my thinspo. I would look at her all the time and obsess over how thin she was. So when I found out she died of cardiac arrest, I assumed that it happened because of an ED. I don't know why, she probably didn't even have one and it's my crazy brain assuming that everyone that's thin has an ED. I guess my inner guilt is creeping in on me, I know I'll die of the same thing.
My biggest fear is this friday, saturday, and sunday. Dinner with family friday and saturday and my friends are having a dinner party sunday. If I indulge in even one of these dinners, my plans to be 130 by the 1st will be ruined. First off my metabolism is super slow from fasting so i'd instantly gain. Second, everyone cooks in grease, as if olive oil doesnt exist. Everytime I get down to 140lbs, I always screw it up. This time I am not but I can't get away with skipping 3 dinners in a row. UGH I HATE SOCIAL EATING! |
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| ew,i ate soooo much today . |
[Dec. 22nd, 2009|06:28 pm] |
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<input ... ></input><input ... > its 6:27pm and I ate a millioonnn pretzels and dinner but i STILL want more. Binge and purge it probably my best option,then restrict tomorrow.
question for you all : how do you get away with not eating from your parents? theyre pissing me off . |
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| well today is already a fail. |
[Dec. 22nd, 2009|03:17 pm] |
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dammit, we went to one of my favourite food places. and i had planned on just a smoothie, but a got a wrap too. and had a brownie. that had to be a grand total of 800 cals, maybe more. we went to the movies, and stupidly, i purged what a could. then i got a water, and now all i want to do is binge. i'm craving like 7,000 things right now. i know i'll be mad and i know i'll feel gross. and i refuse to purge again today. i swear one day i'm going to die from that. it's 3.13pm, and i feel weak, weak, weak. i can already tell today is going to be a very, very bad day calorie wise. christmas needs to just get over with. for some reason, i feel i'll be stronger after it. :/ |
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| ahhhh |
[Dec. 22nd, 2009|06:06 pm] |
im doing sooo well today, buti have to go and make choco covered grams for a class, but i can do this, im stronger than that..
and
AMAZING thinspo being posted in a few hours, keep a look out.
love youall |
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| Just curious.... |
[Dec. 22nd, 2009|04:28 pm] |
Is it possible to be designed to have an eating disorder? Everyone I know who has one hates purging, has trouble sticking to fasts and gets dizzy and sick when they don't eat. I, on the other hand, can fast for days without problem. No dizziness, no hunger; my growling stomach just sort of annoys me when I need quiet. Throwing up doesn't bother me at all. It's like going to the bathroom. I do my thing, wash my hands, brush my teeth and I'm done. Five minutes on a bad day. Thing is, I rarely need to purge because I never binge. I usually do it because I need a coping method, but I haven't gone there since last May. I eat little things like fruit when I need to and self control isn't an issue. Fasting gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling, like I'm under a blanket by the fire watching the snow fall. I lose weight easily and raewly gain. No real exercise needed.
Am I sicker than I realize? Does anyone else find this life so easy? |
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